Time to Fight it out

I don't know how to start it....As usual a lot has happened recently and most of it has not been very pleasant with me. This is the moment of introspection..This is the time to think deep...This is the time to take some tough decisions. I just hope this time i would be judicious enough to make them right.

Overall I have been utter failure at IIM Bangalore. My once seemingly too promising career has reached a state of complete uncertainty and confusion. Yes I wanted to increase my option in life..I wanted to be generalist...But that does not mean i wanted to be good for nothing as I had become now.

Having said all this I know i am not good for nothing...I need an inspiring success to boost my morale and rejuvenate my energies...I am working hard for it. No matter what the end result is I need to fight and fight is the only thing I can do.....

Halfway........

What a year it has been. I don't know why history is so condescending with me. Why it keeps on repeating itself and give me a sense of de-ja-vu. I have always been a laggard.....a late starter.... But as they say all is well that ends well....I just hope this also ends well....I desperately hope that.....

Never in life I have been in such a pressure. Never in life I have been at such a low. But life is all about encompassing new peaks and new troughs. The funny thing is that this is happening at a moment... at a place.. I have always aspired and dreamed off... But I know it was not a fluke...I am very well aware that the recent time has not been good to me. But as always I will come back...with a bang. You just sit an watch and I will be there ........The place I have always wanted to be at..........

Plan Ahead

I still remember the day I joined IIT Kharagpur. It was a new beginning although not a perfect one. I was shattered by the cruel fate...A little under confident and completely ignorant of the opportunities ahead. Always been the planned man this was obviously not the greatest start I could have had....

But his time it is different. I am as confident as I have ever been..Most of all I am not completely ignorant of what I gonna face...I want to take this opportunity to make up for the mistakes of my past. This means I should be prepared and well planned. Here is the list of achievements I will like to have on my CV the day I pass out-

1. Among the top 20 graduating student
2. Made good friends who will last life long
   
3. Have extra ordinary communication abilities
   
4. Got an internship in a top consulting firm and get a PPO
5. Had been a popular guy in the batch
6. Went to Europe in term exchange
   
7. Joined a good club and make a mark there
8. Took part in as many extra curricular activities as possible

When it rains It pours

There are few things in life which I had craved so much...There are even fewer for which I have struggled so much..I was on the verge of giving up.....This was the last frontier...The last try. But all the hard work and wait had made this success far more sweeter. I am a happy man today...Alas heavens had played its part and yes this time, for a change, luck was with me.....

There has been several lessons from this. The biggest one has been the realization that all small things and achievement play their role, of course at the opportune moment. You will always wonder why you worked so hard for something which had no impact on your life and some good day like this you will realize that it was the single differentiating factor which proved you better among equals. Moral of the story - It doesn't matter what you do, what matters is how you do it.

Let the celebrations begin!!!!!!!

Waiting for the moment of truth

Life is unbelievably funny. Full of uncertainty..Full of ups and downs. Just a quarter back I thought I have lost it in me...I am a gone case..a laggard in the rat race outside..But the most common proverb floating around came out to be true.. " Tough times never last but tougher people do".

And what a turn around..Today I am confused on whether to have a laddo or a rasgulla. I am sure this time will also not stay for ever. And whatever decision I take will have a prolong and lasting effect on my career.

I do not remember when I first heard of the word IIT. But It was the sheer determination of a 16 year young hardworking boy which got him through one of the toughest exams against all the odds. Such was his confindence that all through his preparation he never ever thought of not clearing the exam. It was his naiveness which convinced him that only harwork is key to success. And how hard he worked is something to record.

It was a big moment..the day he got his result...He got through but was still too disappointed. he was not paid his due...Perhaps destiny was too hard for him....He was deeply heart broken..But somehow he believed that someday he will get his due....Luck will reverse some day and will even out the unfairness he received..

From there on he became far more practical and opportunistic. His hardworking nature was replaced by smartness. He moved to a new world..A world filled with a diverse set of individuals..some very harworking, some very intelligent and others with a bit of both. Intermingling with this group he realized perhaps he was paid sufficiently for his harwork. Perhaps he was not that good in other aspect which limited his achievements... Nevertheless he was to happy to be given a chance to be a part of such a bright group and always tried to learn from each of them....At the end of his stay at this wonderful place he came out a lot more confident.

Alas He came out to the real world and joined a rat race. The race to proove himself..A race to get ahead or atleast remain at par to the briliant folks he met previously. He had a good start and loved his life and enjoyed it to fullst. But soon he realized that this is not something he has always wanted.. this is not something he has worked so hard for. He realized he had to move out of this, as fast as possible. He new an exit. An exit which will take him to a new place with another set of brilliant people and will open a new horizon of opportunities for him. He worked hard..not as hard as he did in the first place...but far more balanced and smartly. He cleared the first hurdle although not that convincingly but he was sure that he will come out of the next stage with flying colours. He again saw the same light he used to saw in distant past and worked even harder this time.

Today the same guy is at another fork way of his life. This time again it is the same destiny deciding his fate. He is hoping that this time will be different.. he will be given his long due....Perhaps this will evenout his previous disappointments and will give him the same confidence he possesed at the beginning of this story....

Moment of truth is just round the corner....Let the heavens play its part.

My First Car

Just bought my first car a Maruti Swift Vxi...... I was looking forward to this since long. At last the long wait has ended together with my grounded state.

Had a first drive early morning today. It was wonderful experience...everything much smoother than expected. Found a little difficulty in reversing and parking will try to brush up the same in a few days. Now I am looking forward to exploring Delhi together with the occasional trips to places around. My dear long time slumbering Camera you will not be idle for long.

The Good , The Bad and The Ugly

This world is full of good souls at the same time there is no dearth of mean people around...You might be ditched by people who you know and care about. At the same juncture there will be someone to help you out and feel good.

The 14+ years of single existence has given me enough experience to sense that how good someone is and how ll they behave when the need arise. But I still lag the ability to adjust to people whom I do not like and do not have good chemistry with. I guess in order to grow and become successful this is an important requirement to have. I do not know when will I be able to acquire the same but I am still working on it.

But the hate I am facing this moment is kind of unparalleled...And I know I have always bloomed in such harsh conditions. Oh God give me strength to come out of this quagmire unscathed and let my confidence intact.

The Repentance

It was the best of the times, it was the worst of times,
it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of the foolishness,
it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity,
it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness,
it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair,
we had everything before us, we had nothing before us,
We were all going direct to Heaven,we were all going direct the other way
- in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

(An excerpt from "A Tale of Two Cities" By Charles Dickens.)

What a writing...this enticed we to pick the book, the moment i got my eyes on the starting phrase. Helluva... it was just not an ordinary purchase, but marks my graduation to classics. They say its good to take a break but I 'll like to add, if you come out of the break with something more interesting and substantial then only you had a successful break.

So here I am, just out of a hectic quarter which have burned me to my weirdest idiosyncrasy. I have not read a book for a while. Over it, I have not blogged since ages. What can be a better way to repent than to start over to reading classics and a promise to blog regularly.

Just back from a trip to Mumbai. I was there to give my CFA level1 exam, but after exam got some time to visit the old hangouts and refresh the memories of past. Especially the ones which I am missing currently. The trip made me closer to Mumbai. As of now I am about to complete 2 years in Gurgaon, and from my experience I can say living here is atleast 4 times easier than a comparable living in Mumbai. But still I believe if given an option I will always choose Mumbai over Delhi. I don't know weather it is just kind of my first love for Mumbai or is it my abhorence to this cosmic city of Gurgaon. But I will like to stay in mumbai for an extended period. I am earnestly waiting for the right opportunity. OH Dear God, let it come as fast as light.

1 Year @ Work

Today reminds me of the day I got placed. The ecstasy and jubiliance of the first job was simply unbelievable. I was on the top of the world and everything else was just brilliant. A young grad fully tarnished from the 5 years of countryside existence but still confident of his potential and accumen was rejoicing his maiden launch into the outside world. Perk was healthy, parents were happy and so was the young grad, still oblivious of the outside world and the complexities out there. Time passed as usual the grad left his street and came out fighting. More time passed and one day he is greeted by his manager with an appreciation letter ( Nothing fancy just a copy paste thing ) for the successful completion of his one year of association. And here he goes with the sweet/bitter memories of past year and its impact on his career.
Being a data analyst i can say a year is too short a span to infer about ones standing but it surely acts as an harbinger of the future. Today when I compare myself to that celebrating young grad a mischievous smile comes to my face. This smile is for the jubilance of the ingenuous grad who is completely unaware of where he is heading to. It is for his confidence which shows no bar. A year into real world had taught him emmensely and transformed his outlook completely. Today he looks slightly overweight (with a slight tummy ) and many year older. He is capable of affording most of the things in the world and is least worried about the big bucks in life. But the overwhelming enthusiasm and confidence is missing somewhere. He is a realistic now who knows his strengths and limitation. He is aware of the outside world and chalenge it poses before him. He is well aware of the fact that there are somethings other than accumen and hardwork which defines someone's success. In a way he is an experienced man now.
But he looks much worried today..perhaps he is finding the present world much shorter than his imagination. Perhaps he is thinking of expanding his horizon and move on to some wider world. Will he be able to do that is still a Big Question Mark........

This Will Stay With Me Forever

Don't know why I didn't read it before but i must admit It turned out to be better than best of my expectations. Heard and read a lot about this book but never made my mind to try a romantic one. But now I know Love Story by Erich Segal will always be counted as one of my best read ever. Was really disappointed after finding out that it is just 125 pages..Do not remember last time when i read such a short book..But if i have a metric to count, the per word entertainment with this book will outnumber all of my previous read.

They had nothing in common but love. Oliver Barret IV a rich sporty harvard bloke get into love with Jenny Cavilleri a poor redcliffe music student. It sounds like an ordinary story of a cheap bollywood flick But what makes it great is narration. I totally agree with one of the review which say "Beautifully Written.....Profoundly Moving".

"Love means not ever having to say you are sorry"

The Rain Maker

It was pleasant to have two consecutive weekends off... After such a horrible schedule, it seems that at least for a while peace has again peeped into my life..Got some time to start a book last weekend and finished it this afternoon..It was nice to be back among books.. my closest companions.

It was The Rainmaker from John Grisham..A compulsively readable work with good pace and lively characters. He is a young rookie lawyer just out of a graduate college (like me :) ) and has been fired even before his graduation because of an acquisition of the law firm he got placed to (I was sometime on the verge of a similar fate :) ). He tried a lot to get a job, but was betrayed by everyone around. These betrayals lead to some avenging incident and he found himself a culprit, in an arson case. The fate forced him to take shelter of a notorious lawyer, with underworld links, and FBI all set to have a go on him. There he met an experienced paralegal who has managed to flunk his bar exams seven times. They both decide to go independent and start a firm of their own. They have some of the cases they stole from the underworld lawyer and a bad faith case against a big insurance company. He rises to challenge this firm with an experienced and renowned group of lawyers and big bucks to defend them......A must read for those who love detail narration and court trials.

2007: A Look Back

When i look back at year 2007 I feel Whao!!! what a year !!!.. Probably one of the most happening year of my life..With full of Ups and Downs..Full of Masti & Dhamaal...Full of Hellos and Good Byes...Full of Hard Work and Chill Outs..What else you want just in a year.

Year started on a happy note with a bonfire GPL session by dual degree RK ..Thanks guys those bumps will go down very well in my memory lane.

Jan and Feb were too chilly..had a wonderful time when all the friends got placed. Will always remember the final semester for never ending bhaat sessions and treats.

The second half of the semester was quiet hectic .I was really busy with optima, DTP and farewells . Also there was always a feeling of longing and nostalgia all around..with all the guys trying to make the maximum of the last days and treasuring as many memories and dvds as they can. DTP went too fine and the final semester results were just rocking. With an ex in DTP and grand viva I secured the highest sgpa of my engineering studies. Missed the silver medal by a close margin.. Magaal you won..But i gave u a good fight for your money. Also the main attraction of last month in kgp were long walks around the campus with magaal and diggi..and the Vikramshila top chilling. Hey those were the best days of my life.....

Unexpectedly the Seperation with kgp was quiet painful..Especially when your friends start departing and you go around the campus and find a lot of places you took for granted till now but just a single thought of seperation from them was good enough to make you sad..I will always miss the Nescafe opposite to indu, the cheddis, Chillies, billoos..Gol Chakkar ..Scholars avenue..Kgp Gym and what not..The entire KGP...If any one now asks me how was kgp..I simply reply it was a paradise..I will always miss you kgp...

Seperation with kgp was followed by a long stay at home...It was great to be with parents for so long a time and to some extent help them in there work..Don't know when will i get the next opportunity to do that. The second half of the Home stay was quiet stress full. With lot of rumors about your future work place around and nothing much to do you can not manage to live in peace..But the episode taught me a number of things which will again enrich my experience.

After a long wait finally the joining date arrived... Found the workplace much cooler than what i expected.... It was a new beginning... First month went away in training although was much peaceful than it sounds...Did not got much work just after the training...I was almost on the verge of give up when the staffing happened and i was on a project.

Considering the fact that i was almost lukkha for past two months it was great to be on a live project..But soon the work pressure increased and i found myself really busy after a long long time...There is nothing much to share about after that day...

I am back

It has been ages since i blogged...As the last post suggests it was about a year back...The past year has been full of ups and downs for me..It taught me a lot about life and i am sure what ever i learned will guide me all through my life. But probably not blogging was one of the down aspect of the year. Now let me make my first new year resolution..In this year i will regularly blog and will nurture my writing skills...Picture Abhi Baaki Hai Mere Dost!!!!!!!!!!

Peacomania.....

"Yeh jo World hai naa World yahaan do type ke log hote hain.... ek jo peace nahin milne par load le lete hain.... aur doosre wo jo load lekar hi peace mein rehte hain"

I am yet to find the type i belong to.

Not a lot before i used to count myself in the first category and after getting a job this awareness led me to dream of a full semester of enjoyment with nothing serious to do..but a lot to experiment and explore. My life was sailing in a placid sea on the boat of my dreams..was having a great time with numerous pasttimes like

Playing Cards ( World's most amusing and addictive game.. for the fellas who know that please be away and for the ignorant ones plz do not give it a try)

Playing RON [Rise of Nations]...My second addiction from the so called strategy game kity First one was AOE that to0 a long long time ago.

Watching Movies TV-Series and Blah Blah Blah.....

It have never been a hard worker... atleast certianly not in iit..But the last twenty days i was at the height of unproductivity. to quote someone who said.

" Saale aaj kal tu karta kya hai bus mess jaata hai aur room par pada rehta hai, Poore din room par karta kya hai"

Hmmm an interesting question....

But everything went into thrash as i woke up one day and my infatuation with peace got a serious second thought....

It is someday ( May be Mon Tue or Wed but certainly a day)

near around 12.30 PM i was in a sound sleep...and some body knocked.... knocked..... and knocked again..... I grudgingly woke up with a sure plan to knock this guys head off. Opened the door knob and here he was........ commenting and making fun of my current schedule with a tinge of fiction and mockery....to my rage.. although a dear friend but he was considerably the laziest person i have ever seen in my life....and here he was making an exemplary comment and vindicating the rusting power of a job.

oh god it was very frustrating who the fuck are u?? and sevral other thoughts got to my mind but there was also a realization....
this was not the end of the night mare but prooved out to be the first in the series of several eye opening incident i experienced that day.

the most dreaded one was

After brushing and free of all my early morning activities i was on my way for breakfast ( although a lunch for everyone else at this hour) and i met another freind...One who is obsessed by his obesity and usually do go for run (sometimes with me) every evening to get his belly a bit down..

Aur bey nitin kya haal hain
Lagta hai Gym jaana Band kar diya hai yaa phir mess ka khaana bahut bhane kaga hai
tu bhi ab hamaari league mein aata jaa raha hai dost ( giving a slight hint of my protruding tummy)

I was aghast..it was the last league i ll like to get into .... I looked at my tummy and back to his face... pulled my belly inside..tried to make it as tight as possible..and gave him a glance to see feel and rethink...

But he was too clever to be fooled by such a plebeian tactic.. now he garnered the support of everyone around and roared with a conviction...

"Yaar tu ab kuch bhi kahe but ye to reality hai"

And I knew it is........ and here came the load which predesposed me have a rethink about the type i belong to

With all this realization got in to a serious aatmchintan..where i am heading to...Is this my typical self or am just wearing a facade to follow the common mass belief and tradition.

This post is one of the first step to come out of that dilemma and is also the first creative stuff i have done in the last three weeks... I ll keep u updated with my future plan of action..so plz do
visit me often and leave some comments too.

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.
It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning a lion wakes up.
It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle.
When the sun comes up, you better start running.

zzzzzz..........

A lot has happened in my life since last April. First of all had an awesome summers in the wonderful city of Mumbai. Then went home for a brief stay which was also exceptionally a great one. And now finally back in kgp in my final or more precisely superfinal year struggling hard to achieve one of my long time goal. It has really been the most happening time since JEE days. But didn't got much time to write a lot during these days. May be it will be justified to take a pretext of busy schedule but i know i might have continued it with a little time management and conviction. But sometimes you find your self in such a dramatic situation that everything seems to be like a fantasy. In such situation u loose confidence in every one and simply try to make ur self as private as u can. And some fateful day u come out of this fanatasy and find yourself in the same old world. This transition is often too painful and it takes some time to recover fully. I don't know how much i have recovered but i am trying at my best.

Alas I am in final year !!!!!!!!!

Just got to attend preplacement talks by two very eminent organisations in the last two days. They were very informative as well as interesting too. But the most interesting development of them was my ascension to final year. This was for the first time i had found myself in my final year. This realisation brought with it all the anxiousness for the future which is going to be moulded in this final phase of my iit stay.
What course will it follow ??? Will i be rewarded for all my hardwork and inteligence?? or will i be punished for all my lousy jobs and carelessness??? Several such questions are haunting me now. Situation has worsen with my past experience which has always seen me faltering in my strongest front and using the weaker one to compromise with an intermediate path.
Will the same fate continues or my lady luck is on its way....I don't have an idea yet. But i believe this is the hightime i start preparing for my next move or rather i should say abackup for my failure in the ultimate goal i am upto. i have always been short in luck.but Probably this is the time i hedge this luck to have various exotic options in the exigency.

Never mind....It's Holi

Wish you a very happy holi......The strangest and gayest of all indian festivities. In my childhood I learned that all the hindu festivals prevalent today were earlier divided among the four categories befitting the four different caste during vedic days. According to the belief Rakshabandan was a festival of brahmins, Dusshera that of kshetrias, Diwali of banias and holi that of shudras. The common conduct observed during the celebration, was a derivative of the culture of the respective caste the festival belongs to. But In modern indian calendar every festival is celebrated by all the communities with equal joy and enthusiasm. So this is the reason why we have so many of festivities uniformly interspersed throughout the calendar.
I didn't agree with the classifcation of festivals according to different caste but i can surely classify the festivals according to the kind and character of the people they lures the most. Thinking that way Rakshabandhan can be said to be the festival of a brother & sister and the mystic love between them. Huh in my chilhood it used to be the only day of the year when we guys (me and my lil sis) used to escape a fight. Diwali in that way is for pretentious people with a great love to pomp & show. Dusshera is for those with a passion for violence that is probably the reason for involvement of so many of RSS members in the festival. At the end comes the beautiful festival of holi which is meant for down to earth fun loving junta. It is a festival of community which can't be enjoyed sitting back in your home or room. Its the festval which convert foes to freinds and strangers to aquaintances.
Kgp with a huge student community has a old and strong tradition of celebrating holi. Here sun rises too early on the day of holi and it comes with a big dose of fun and love which makes it a memorable day in your life. Its the day to loose control and do what ever you like doing and can't do it in the so called civilized world. Its the day to amble around the campus with literally nothing on your body. Its day to forget all your loads and commitments with a big dose
of bhang. In short it is the day to celebrate your life with all the colurs of youth and enthusiasm you have.
So lets come and celebrate this beautiful festival of colours and plz remember do not mind
anything as its Holi........Bura Na Maano Holi Hai.

So its already 2.o0 Pm on holi eve i can hear a loud sound of uproars from the nearby wing So it will be prudent to change into old attires and let the water raiders do whatever they want. once again a very happy holi to all...Ke rang barse..........

Sprituality for everyone

Sprituality umh!!!!!!! a very contentious but a boring thing to talk about. How often i find people mostly those who are disappointed by the harsh vagaries of this life taking asylum with a spritual organisation or other. Currently number of organisations like Art of living, escon. rK mission etc are booming over their expertise in calming the restless minds of the workomaniac inhabitants of this hyper-modern world. You just do a google search for art of living and you will get the exent of the charismatic influenze of the highly adulated founders of these organisations.
In my case i also got numerous offers to join one of this group . Infact my reserved nature and traditional insticts do make me highly vulnerable to such an endeavour. Even many a times i have been coaxed by some of my friends to join such an organisation. Infact in a case one of them was so inspired to rope me in that he ended up wasting an entire afternoon just to explain me the positive effects of this so called spiritual organisations, At the end i had to show him the door to end our over exteded arguement which had gone to the extent of clamouring and fighting. Although the person here was a dear friend and a nice being but i can't just waste my 1000 bucks and a week time for some fraudesters promising to give me the calm and peace in such an eventful and enjoyable life. This can also be said to be an quintessential policy of such a organisation they leverage over the contacts of the follower to increase their base and influence. This followers publicise the vitues of this organisation and try to get as many freinds as possible into the cartel. Its a good publicity instict. Even u can find spritual soveniers, keyrings, calendars etc which are used as an publicity material for the organisatons.
So I should say till now i was unfazed by this sprituality boom. I had always maintained that sprituality is not my cup of tea. For a person like me getting his life governed by the instructions of some other person is almost impossible. Niether i have enough perseverance and nor required temprament to survive their long lectures and prayer session. But then i came to read a book which changed my entire perception about indian sprituality.
Book is tiltled "A monk who sold his farari" by Robin S. Sharma one of the most renowned spritual and leadership guru of North America. It is an inspiring tale of a famous lawyer who sets for a life changing odyssey inorder to get out of his unbalanced and over-demanding professional life. There in India he founds all the calm in life and promises his guru to spread his newly gained wisdom with as many people as possible. Here is what entire plot of the book is based upon the lawyer dictating his first hand spritual experience with one of the colleague and closest friend. It is a wonderful fable which do mock on us and tells us the worth of the forgotton spritual wisdom of ancient indian monks. Its a little bit ironic of me enjoying the praise and influenze of indian sprituality from a foreign book when i had outrageously rejected it as a farce back home.

Happy New Year Nitin

So here comes one more year and there goes another one. Later can be said to be one of the most placid year of my life. When my friends were struggling to have some positive gradient in their career graph I was in a perfectly peaceful state with a lot to enjoy and nothing to worry. So this makes effective outcome of last year pretty low and as it is always said Past time never comes back so with the dawn of 31st december 2005 i have wasted one complete year with nothing much to carry forward.
But here comes one of the most happening year of my career. This year will reward my carrer with both direction and dimension. And i am quite sure the productivity of this year will reflect all through my carrer. So here comes the time to resolve myself to work hard and utilize the newyear to the optimum. so that the next year can be welcomed with far better mind set and its memories can be cherished all through my life.
May god help me in making my dream come true and give me enough strength to make the coming year one of the most prospereous year of my life time.